I grew these. Or I should say, they grew, despite me.
How my wheels turn: Often I think of my "past self", as in "good job past self", "thank you past self, phew", "prescient of you past self", often for doing the one extra thing, pushing through, preparing, building a system - something that my current self recognizes as having paved the way for greater ease or lesser pain *right now*.
What occurred to me is that me right now is my future self's past self, and right now is the time to pave the way for ease for future me.
I’m kinda pissed about: Discovering that I’ve been taking a medication that’s a depressant for months. In theory, it’s saving my life (spoiler, it’s not). Side fx include not wanting to live.
I thought it was my new normal and I needed to adapt to this drastically reduced level of energy. In fact, I was in chemically induced depression from a drug that was reducing my risk of cancer recurrence by ONE PERCENT. That is BAD math. Hmm, what’s more likely to extend my life? 1%, or x20 overall wellbeing and energy to actuate and make better choices?
And I’m not happy to have to accept that brain chemistry can change the way you think and perceive the world so profoundly. I want to think that’s my identity. But you can’t outthink the physical function of your brain, and if that’s compromised by whatever reason (eg. drugs, stress, microbiome, toxins, hormones, disease), then there’s no positive thinking that can overcome it.
What I'm appreciating: I booked my 300th book!
The end of the growing season: When what is done is and what wasn’t, isn’t, and there’s no longer anything to do about it. As usual, I grew a ridiculous, excessive amount of food. Surprises? Celery. My celery loved where it was planted and thrived. Shocking fail: potatoes. How did potatoes fail so utterly? This year was another year of neglect, ty cancer, although I started strong and got a lot in the ground, after that it was on its own. And some of it thrived anyway.
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